vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
