just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
