Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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