two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
