I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
They have beer where we have blood.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
