Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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