1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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