So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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