absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
