I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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