We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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