who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
