so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
