I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
