Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
