I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this hospital has no fireball
be right there i have to get my cape
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
