They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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