$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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