Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
