Nicole vs. Life
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
