theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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