what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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