I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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