the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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