Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
