I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
