Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this just has baby written all over it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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