Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Randomize
