I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
