Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
