on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
