made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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