oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
