ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you had me at cake vodka
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
