im drinking this country out of the recession.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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