Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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