Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
