toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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