He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
