Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
