So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
