HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
