i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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