i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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