The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
