she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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