My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
