im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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