the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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