I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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