apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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