How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
