life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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