WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
