K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
