i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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