there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
