At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
